Do you remember when you were a little boy and you’d sit in your underoos, pen in hand, browsing the Lego Christmas Catalog so you could circle all the best sets and present your findings to your parents? Then they’d be sure to know which Lego kits were the best, and with any luck, you’d find one or two under the tree. Well, the years and have passed and it’s time to grow up, which means you now circle the coolest Lego kits with a fancier pen and then go out there and buy your own Lego like a man. Once you’ve become an adult, there are certain upgrades you should make, and this article is your guide. By making these easy changes, you’ll amp up your game and set yourself apart as an alpha.
1. Swap the Underoos
Your mom sure thought you were cute running around in those tighty-whities. You never want a significant other to feel the same way about your underwear that your mom did, so it’s time to level up. Being a man brings with it certain — ahem — changes, and your clothing should reflect that. Never again should you wear an undergarment your mother might have purchased you — upgrade to pouch underwear, which would have been sure to make her blush. In fact, aim to make more choices that would make your mother blush, but never anything that would make her disappointed. That’s the sweet spot — Mom doesn’t want to talk about it, but not because she’s ashamed.
2. Get a Real Pen
Forrest Gump knew what he was talking about when he said you could tell a lot about a person by their shoes. People signal all kinds of things about themselves by the things they wear, and often, it’s just a matter of whether something seems intentional. Even the every day carry items you have on you (such as your wallet and keychain) will signal some kind of message to others. A simple upgrade that will set you apart is a nice pen. This means purchasing a writing utensil that comes one per package, and you’re paying at least $10. It doesn’t have to be an outrageous pen that costs $50 or more — just find something a bit nicer, and people will notice. You’ll distinguish yourself as a man who is aware of the choices he makes and how they reflect upon him.
This affordable Parker Jotter pen is the one James Bond used to detonate a bomb in “Goldeneye,” so start there. Who knows, maybe all along Bond girls just liked him for his pen. There’s got to be a euphemism in there somewhere.
3. Carry a Fancy Water Bottle
Here’s something interesting for you to notice — people who have their life together often have water on them. This is because they take care of their bodies and recognize hydration is a crucial aspect of that. You need to be one of those people. Don’t be that guy who goes through like eight plastic water bottles a day, because you’re a man of intention who knows you’ve got to take care of both your momma and Mother Earth. Procure a high-quality, vacuum-sealed water bottle — something that looks nice enough to take into a business meeting. Plus, since it’s metal, you can fill it full of Kool-Aid and nobody will ever know.
Becoming a man doesn’t mean becoming boring — it just means acting intentionally. Instead of wearing and doing the same things you have since your mom was parting your hair, examine your life and make sure all your choices are just that — choices; not conveniences. If people can look at you and know you’ve made specific decisions about every aspect of who you are, they’ll know they’re looking at the kind of man who appreciates a fine vintage… Lego set.